6 Reasons You Should Fuck In Your Childhood Room Over The Holidays
It’s that oh-so wonderful time of the year: the holidays. A time filled with joy, cheer, delicious food, stress, anxiety, and homicidal ideation. A time to panic over overpriced flights, what to buy family members as gifts, and whether Aunt Janeane will get wrecked on eggnog and start praising Trump for his “honesty.”
With Christmas and New Year's right around the corner, many of us will be heading back home to celebrate the holidays with our splendiferous family. In fact, for many of us, it’s the only time of the year we get to see our family members and return to our childhood home.
If your parents haven’t touched your room, converting it into an office or “guest bedroom”, that means your room will still be covered with all your favorite 80’s and 90’s pop stars. Who knows? If you’re lucky, the lava lamp sitting on your nightstand may still work.
This holiday season, we at NSFW are encouraging you to go get plowed in your childhood bedroom. Why? For nothing else besides the fact that it’s sexy as all hell.
So here are 6 reasons it’s so hot to fuck in your childhood room during the holidays.
1. You could get caught by your parents.
There’s always something sexy about the fear of getting caught. That’s why so many of us love to have sex in public places. No one actually wants to get caught. Well... I mean, some of us do… that is a huge kink. Alright, so the vast majority of us don’t want to get caught; we just want the adrenaline rush from knowing that we could get into trouble, even arrested for having sex in public. Having sex with the thought looming over that your parents could walk in at moment provides the same rush. To be completely honest, I think I rather get caught having sex by the cops than by my mom.
2. Because you weren’t getting any in high school.
If you were that hot jock in high school who was constantly having sex, I hate you. Honestly, I have nothing else to say. This isn’t for you. This is for all of us who were fueled by hormones and consumed by sex who weren’t getting laid… like ever. An over-the-bra makeout session was the luckiest we ever got in high school. At long last, you are putting that bed of yours to good use. The way you always wanted to use it, but never could.
3. A much needed break from your family.
This time Aunt Janeane not only got sloshed on eggnog, she also brought her new “lover,” Claude. Claude hasn’t stopped staring at you the entire dinner, and you are feeling creeped out as fuck. Oh, and your mom keeps asking about your career in a tone that makes unequivocally clear that you are not where you “should be” in your life right now. Grandma June keeps asking when you’re getting married, and you just don’t have the heart to tell her that you’re polyamorous and have absolutely no desire to get married or have kids. Do you know what would make you temporarily forget about all this nonsense? Sticking a dick in your mouth or eating some tasty-ass pussy (or both… whatever floats your boat).
4. It’s ripe for sexy roleplay.
Obviously, both you and your partner are now well past the age of consent. But in being in your childhood room, you can engage in baby play or pretend one of you is in high school still. One of you can be the coach. The teacher. You’re in a different setting than you would usually be in. An actual child’s room. Not just any child, you! Take advantage.
5. It’s a form of social vindication.
There’s nothing I love more than fucking for the sake of being petty. You know that hot girl in your class, Georgi? You asked her out to the prom junior year and she laughed right in your face, saying you’ll always be a loser. Well now look at you. You’re fucking someone you knew in high school. (Who knows? Maybe now you’re fucking Georgi!) BOOM, Georgi. Take ~that~
6. Because it’s the one time of the year you can.
Do you ever do something sexual just because you can? I know I do. I love having new sexual experiences. Having sex in the room you grew up in is just that. It’s also the one time of the year you actually can have sex in your childhood bedroom. The rest of the year you have to bone in your small apartment, cluttered with shoes you haven’t worn in months.