Sex, cannabis, and socio-emotional responsibility! The great American pastimes. Well, hopefully. Eventually. But what should folks interested in combining all three expect when it’s their first time so doing? This article serves as an informal walkthrough for combining two great recreational activities, with an eye towards maximizing your eagerness to combine them again (and again). To help us on our journey, I reached out to Sexuality Educator and CannaSexual Ashley Manta of CannaSexual.com.

The Ritual

As always, the first step to good sex is to check in with your partner. If both of you are interested in mixing herb with spice, make sure that you’re both on the same page when it comes to dose, timing, and tone. Whether you’re sharing some brownies or using that weird new vape-balloon device you bought for your anniversary, ensure it’s a known quantity. Don’t take more than usual (if anything, take less), and account for how long it’ll take to hit you given how long you plan to make whoopee.

Ashley goes so far as to recommend micro-dosing (five milligrams or less!), and notes that “Edibles are a terrible idea if you're trying to have a quickie,” but that “topicals” - non-psychoactive but lovely-feeling cannabis-based salves and creams - are great if you’re too pressed for time to get high.

Maybe only you or your partner are into the idea, and y’all end up wanting an asymmetrical experience. That works too! Confirm that the sober party will take responsibility for keeping communication clear, and that being on different wavelengths during the act is cool with both partners. In ether case, consider taking a raincheck on anything intense enough to require a safeword until you know the baseline effect of cannabis on your experience.

The Rising Action

If you and your lover have an established sexual report, you may find yourself in a new version of the always fun and at times awkward adventure of discovering how best to please one another. Starting with foreplay, you’re going to want to stay in constant communication with your partner about any differences in what you want to do, and what you want done to you. Common changes include a greater appreciation of massage, and wanting a slower, more chill pace to match the sense of time dilation.

That said, the truth is that there is no one-size-fits-all solution for communicating with or pleasing someone who is high, especially when you are too. Ashley advises individuals to “ try small amounts of different cannabis products and keep a journal of the way they affect your body, mood, and energy.” That way, you have a point of reference when planning to add sex to the mix.

Remember, cannabis is an aphrodisiac. You’re likely to get more aroused, faster when high than you get while sober. Fortunately, this tends to mean more time spent on “eye gazing, deep breathing together, [and] intentional presence,” as Ashley puts it.

Slow and Steady

You’ve probably heard that weed (or “flower”, as some advocates call it) enhances and lengthens orgasms, and the rumors are true for some folks. It also increases sexual stamina for many people. But focusing on the destination can put a damper on the journey. In all likelihood, being high while having sex will make you feel like you can “slow down and enjoy the experience rather than charging toward the finish line,” as Ashley puts it. Follow that instinct, and don’t worry about performing a preconceived notion based on this article or anything else.

If you do find it challenging to concentrate on pleasure, have no fear! Just because an orgasm hunt seems like a fool’s errand, doesn’t mean you can’t treat the session as an opportunity for exploration. The relaxed intimacy that comes from being high with someone you trust can allow for a very satisfying and therapeutic session of “how does this feel?”. Not to mention, slowing down or even taking a break may provide the time needed to get past the brunt of an oversized dose.

The Denouement

Afterglow can feel a bit different when it’s diffused through smoke or steam. As usual, check in with your partner once you both catch your breath. If one of you is coming down faster, make sure the other doesn’t feel anxious or disconnected - and if they do, help them cope! If everyone is still feeling it, then aftercare will have two natural phases to it; the inside joke while you’re both still high, and the full debriefing when you’re both back on Earth.

Ashley emphasizes that the thirst we all feel after coming down or getting off are very much cumulative: “I keep at least one and sometimes two water bottles next to my bed for the post-coital snuggle.”

When it comes to self-care, she adds that “If you're planning to shower after sexy fun times conclude, choose bath products that smell comforting and calming and make your skin feel soft.”

Finally, as with any bedroom experiment, if the whole affair makes you feel out of your element, or if you just couldn’t focus on the things that usually make sex fun for you, then maybe it ain't your thing! Everyone reacts to mind-altering substances differently, and if cannabis and sex really don’t mesh for you, then chalk it up as a lesson learned. That said, your mileage may vary due to the strain of cannabis you take, or your dose being too large to cope with. Keep on experimenting with what you like, and check out this previous article by Ashley Manta on what strains of cannabis go best with what types of sex!