Would You Give Your Past Self Sex Advice From What You Know Now?

Actress, Carole Radziwill tells us the sex advice she'd give her younger self. Carole Radziwill has no shame in her vibrator game. She could talk about LELO brand vibrators for hours and hours. (And if you're new to sex toys, she recommends trying LELO's GIGI because of its flat tip.) You probably didn't realize it, but during Secret Santa gift exchanges on Real Housewives Of New York City, Radziwill often brought LELO vibrators as gifts. One time, she even brought a 24-karat gold sex toy as a gift. 

Radziwill’s latest collaboration with Evine After Dark, the first home-shopping show for sex toys. The show is aimed at empowering and educating women in a safe, inclusive environment. In addition to teaching the audience about sex toys, and of course, selling them, they also answer sex questions from viewers. The show celebrates the importance of talking about sex in a public forum.

But while sex-positivity has made strides in recent years, women's sexuality can still feel like a taboo topic. The fact that women are sexual still blows people’s minds, which hurts women’s abilities to feel comfortable asking necessary questions. Radziwill was asked to give one major misconception that still persists? She said, "That you have to be hypersexual to use a sex toy. I don't really know any girl who hasn't had any experience with a vibrator. And it's OK if that's not your thing, but the idea that it's something to be ashamed of really needs to be re-thought because it teaches a girl about her body and what she likes and doesn't like. ... I think it's only healthy."

Considering most women need clitoral stimulation to climax during penetrative sex, vibrators are an easy way to close the orgasm gap during sex. In a 2017 group survey of 500 women ages 18 to 44, almost half of participants said they never use toys with a partner — or even talk about them. Another 14 percent said they want to use toys with their partner, but they're worried their partners wouldn't be into the idea. For 19 percent of women, the fear of bruising their partner's ego is what prevents them from introducing a toy into the bedroom.

LELO vibrator

Radziwill says her partners have wanted to experiment with toys, and when long-term relationship sex starts to get a little boring, vibrators have been a way to keep things hot. But if she did encounter a partner who felt threatened by sex toys, she knows exactly what she'd do. "I would talk about it outside the bedroom," Radziwill says. "I would say that I use them — and keep them on my bedside table. LELO ones are great because they don't look like big penises. I think that's what men get worried about. And if you use it externally during sexual intercourse, it's just an enhancement. It's not taking away [from your partner]. I think men think it's sexy, but there's something in their own head saying they shouldn't think it's sexy because it's not manly and they're not doing their job. They like watching porn, and porn stars are always pleasuring themselves." And if someone's still opposed to using sex toys after knowing how much pleasure you get from them, Radziwill says that's a red flag.

While Radziwill, who says she was once nicknamed "the wholesome face of vibrators" by a friend, feels comfortable talking about sex and telling her partners she uses vibrators, she says sex was never discussed growing up. Looking back, she says she'd tell her younger self to really get to know her body and to create boundaries. "You have to stand in your own power," she says. "And it's hard as a young girl to understand that, without thinking you're playing games. I've certainly ... got myself into things and thought, oh, that probably wasn't the best thing for me. But that's OK too, and then you say, I'm not going to do that again. ... but ultimately, you have to know yourself and understand there's power in not only saying no but meaning it — and removing yourself from the situation. I hope young girls are learning that now with the Me Too movement."